thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Randomize
