i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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