no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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