Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
