Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
You've changed since you got that strap on
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize