He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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