and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Randomize
