You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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