I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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