What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
