If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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