OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
