i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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