We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
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