I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
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