Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
