Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
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