he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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