At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
