I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
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