so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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