i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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