Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Randomize
