I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Randomize
