Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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