ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
