Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
