I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
nutella sex= disaster
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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