i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
