why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Randomize
