I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
