She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
