I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Randomize
