woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
