he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
