Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Randomize
