i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize
