She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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