Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
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