Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
not ubering you a puppy
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
