i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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