Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
