dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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