I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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