Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Randomize
