Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
