I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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