I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
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