can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
His nipple licking is glorious
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