he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize