Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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