I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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