We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize