We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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