Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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