We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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