i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
