i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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