There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
