I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
The air was thick with penises
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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