The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Randomize
