so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize