And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
accomplished twins. life is a go
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
