hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
