There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
