you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Randomize
