He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
