...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Randomize
