I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
