Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
